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Friday, July 22, 2005

Northern Cali Barbie and Ken

Mattel Inc. today announces the release of Limited Edition Barbie/Ken Dolls
- The Northern California Edition!............

Pleasanton Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at the Stoneridge Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie cutter
house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken.

San Ramon Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford
Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or
secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional
matching gym outfit available.

Richmond Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9-mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,
a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and Meth Lab
Ken.

Pinole/Hercules Barbie:
This Barbie is the wanna-be San Ramon Barbie, only she usually carries a
knife with which to stab her fellow Barbies in the back. She's available
with cell phone, SUV and a drink in her hand.

El Sobrante Barbie:
This Barbie is truly one of a kind. Comes with Biker Ken & his Harley and a
replica of the Capri Club. She only hangs out with Ken because he has a
bike and when he's not around she's looking for another man - who has a
bike. Watch out! She usually doesn't care if he has a wife or girlfriend.
Otherwise known as Scooter Tramp Barbie.

Folsom Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped-up
Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.

Sacramento Barbie:
This Barbie comes with an exclusive set of luggage since she is always
traveling to the Bay area or to Reno/Tahoe; very rarely stays at home. She
comes with two basketball jerseys since she's an avid Kings/Monarchs fan.
River Cats Ken available separately. State Worker version has a look of
perpetual concern on her face over the disposition of her politically
driven employment. Also comes with seasonal allergy kit.

Yuba City Barbie:
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a
NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set.
She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's butt when she's drunk. A
pickup is available with stick-on Confederate flag bumper stickers.

Tahoe Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie still has not learned that you
can't wear a leopard print ski outfit without looking passÊ, even if you
are actually skiing.

Berkeley Barbie:
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and
archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. The other
version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tank top, low cut jeans and
scratch-n-sniff armpits.

Crockett Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you
can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without
breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer-gutted, hollow
gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips
covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out
the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long,
layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories include:
CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and rusty old Ford pick up.

San Francisco Barbie:
Immaculately turned out, couture dressed, cultured and well-coiffed.
Well, actually, that's San Francisco Ken.

They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie", but she keeps getting
shot.

posted by Kristina @ |3:39 PM|
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